Why I Write

I write to tell a story, of course- that is my story. The story of why I write and what/who has inspired me throughout my career. I write to forget about the obstacles I have faced, the heartbreaks I want to erase, and the pain that hides in a dark and hollow place.

Writing to replace the thoughts in my brain. I cannot spit out those thoughts by tongue. I cannot blurt out those words by mouth. The words in my head are the words in my mouth that I cannot pronounce. Pronounce. Pronounce. The thoughts in my head that are on my tongue that is in my mouth are the words that I never wanted to come out until now. These words I write are the words I cannot explain therefore I write them instead of saying them. These words I write are painful and deep. They make me feel as if I am no longer numb, they make me see as if I am no longer blind, they make me believe as if I am no longer questioning who I am because I know who I am from these words. These words slip out of my brain onto paper and allow me to say what I have always wanted to say but couldn’t because these words taste bad in my mouth. These words are words no human wants to consume. These words come from my heart. My heart- a place that used to be dark and lonesome and bruised. My heart is now relieved by these words because now it can finally breathe. All these years my heart has hurt because it was holding onto all these words that I couldn’t say. My heart is no longer a fiery place but it is a warm, loving place as it no longer feels pain nor suffers. It can feel love and know what love is. It doesn’t let me down like everyone else did. Everyone else. They did what they said they would not. They hurt my heart and twisted it into a knot. This knot grew thicker and thicker until it broke. It broke because my heart could no longer uphold the words I had been told. The things my heart and I went through were traumatic. The stories I tell are not over-dramatic. These stories I tell are what happened to me, you will see. These stories of my life stick with me and hopefully they stick to you as well… but oh no please do not dwell for I tell these stories only to be held closest to where they were dealt. These stories I tell are who I am. I am these stories but these stories are not me. You see I have overcome my battles. These stories tell what battles I overcame. The process isn’t easy but what’s easy is writing these words as they fall out of my brain. These words I write come from pain that once was but isn’t anymore. It is easy for me to write these words because the memories will forever be a curse. It is who I am because of what he made me become. But I am me and he is none. He is nothing and I am everything. My worth is what I gained and so I write to tell you how beautiful life can be if we just let ourselves be free. All this negativity eats at me like flies on a corpse lying by a tree but I contain myself you see. I am free and he is still. I gained my confidence and pushed him down the hill. I climbed back up the hill and then I found my reflection begging me to not drown in my imperfections. I did not give up because my words wouldn’t let me so today in my brain and heart’s honor I let thee speak throug

h me. Hurt no longer I shall be happy. And that I am and that you will see.