My enemy

Battling anxiety is not easy, but when you find someone who is patient and understanding, the demons you normally face will begin to erase.

It is not my fault

The chemicals in my brain

They make up crazy things

It drives me insane

My thoughts take up most of my space

The space in my head that always takes me to a dark place

Sometimes it’s hard for me to even see

Because the thoughts in my head form a massive cloud over me

And even when I shut my eyes

The world still feels like it is passing me by

The movement, a speed of light

If I’m lucky, my brain will turn off for the night

But it’s like a clock, it ticks for so long

Trust me, if I could, I’d hit the switch button no doubt

But the mind I have doesn’t allow me to turn down the sound

I’m not saying I hear voices, no I’m not crazy like that

But I do hear negative thoughts flying around in my head like a giant gnat

The mornings are the hardest part

Just getting out of bed, having a fresh new start

My feet hit the ground, making a loud thumping sound

Yes, I’m angry, my brain hates me, always fighting on the battleground

I’m always groggy, my memory constantly foggy

The only thing my mind remembers are the things that haunt me

I wish I understood why I think the way I do

It’s not that I mean to be so negative and blue

The thing I want the most I cannot have

That is to be happy, not always be sad

I always warn people before entering my life

I warn them about my anxiety and the terrible thoughts I have at night

Explaining my disorder is the most difficult part

Its gut wrenching and always tugs at my heart

Some people get it and some people don’t

The people that get it know that it is no joke

The way I feel is not necessarily abnormal

In no way do I act unmoral

After years of fighting against my enemy

Anxiety finally got a hold of me

My anxiety controls my everyday life

It makes me feel as if I am dying inside

There is no easy way to control it

I can’t stand the people who tell me not to show it

Imagine being trapped inside a tiny cage

You would soon begin to get enraged

The cage fills up with water so high

You start to feel like you just might die

My enemy is not easily describable

In fact, it is extremely unreliable

Like any human being, I have my good and bad days

But the bad seems too overpower the days filled with the sunshine’s rays

Let me tell you, my brain is a crazy train

It stops and goes, never refrains

I just wish I could understand all of my demons

They place negative thoughts in my head, forever streaming

Patience, I ask, that’s all I need

If you give me that, I’ll be as calm as a tree

I will be still until my leaves begin to fall

And that’s when you let me crawl

Crawl into your arms at night

You’re the only person who is willing to sacrifice

Time and reassurance are a must

And don’t forget to tell me that I am good enough

Words of affirmation are my saving grace

So help me God, don’t let me fall back into that place

It’s too dark and cold down there

I want to stay up here where I can breathe in the fresh air

All I ask is you hold me throughout the night

Keep me safe, keep me feeling alive

Because when I’m with you my thoughts begin to rest

The whole world stops spinning, my head upon your chest

As my eyes begin to shut and my breathing slows down

That’s when you’ll know I am finally safe and sound